At Women’s Care Center, much of our focus is turned to women: From discovering pregnancies, navigating emotions, evaluating choices, to bolstering and educating them. We hear thousands of stories from women each year and watch as their emotions change and their confidence develops as they become moms. With each story comes a new set of advice, experiences and willingness to share with other women. The same isn’t always true for our dads at WCC. Their stories, experiences, and advice often go unheard. In a small way, I wanted to change that.
I asked some of our most involved dads at WCC what their experience was like preparing for fatherhood, what they would do differently, and any advice they had for the fathers to come. While every journey to fatherhood looks different, here are some insights on fatherhood from our WCC dads:
- Mixed emotions are normal
When asked how they felt when they found out they were going to be a dad, our WCC fathers reported almost every feeling under the sun. Before the birth of their baby, many fathers reported feeling surprised, shocked, and filled with anticipation and excitement. Other dads said they felt sad, stressed, or overwhelmed by the idea of becoming a parent. No matter where you are at, it’s okay to have that initial reaction. Know that you have plenty of time to adjust to the idea and to start preparing for your baby.
When asked what they did when they found out that their partner was pregnant, the responses were vast. Some cried, hugged and kissed their partner, and thought only of how happy they were while others got straight to business. From reflecting on the impact this baby would have on their other children, to financial planning, to one dad who said, “I began the immigration process to have my wife and baby in the USA,” the very first day of fatherhood can look very different for various fathers.
- Preparation comes in many shapes and sizes
Preparing for a baby is a multifaceted process. Not only does a parent consider the physical space that their new little person is going to take up- with the cribs, the swings, clothes and diapers, the car seats and strollers- but the parent also considers the emotional space a new person takes up. Questions like “What kind of dad will I be?” and “How can I make better choices for my family?” seem to swirl in the heads of our WCC dads. As one dad put it, when asked how he prepared for fatherhood, he simply said, “I became stable.”
Aside from these considerations, many families face discussions on financing, the changing family dynamics, and what roles each parent will take on when the baby is born. Every aspect takes time and intentional conversation to sort through. Many dads reported talking to their partner, family members, trusted friends and community members for advice in these areas.
- Many times, you don’t know what you don’t know
When asked if they would’ve done anything to prepare differently to become a dad, 33% of our WCC dads said that they would’ve attended more parenting classes, 25% said that they wanted to understand their partner’s experience better, 25% said they would’ve wanted a better understanding of financial planning and budgeting, and the remainder said that they would’ve joined a support group for dads.
The beauty of this is that all dads would’ve considered something different if they could do it all over again. So, no matter how you prepare to become a father, know that it’s a learning process each step of the way. You don’t have to be an expert when your baby is born.
The questions will come along the way and that’s where WCC is here to help. WIth our stellar parenting classes and goals programs, we aim to help moms and dads prepare the best they can for their children. WCC offers programs on Understanding Fatherhood, with practical advice for those first few months at home. Additionally, all our WCC dads are encouraged to participate in pregnancy and birthing classes with their partner, to better understand the process, her experience, and how best to support his partner. Ask a counselor for more information on how to get involved!
- Helpful Hints
Lastly, here are some of the beautiful insights from our WCC dads and their advice for expecting fathers:
- “Be truthful. Help each other fill in the gaps because no human being is perfect.”
- Help your children to understand the change in the family.
- Be patient and learn to teach your kids calmly because “kids need care all the time.”
- “Help with household chores so your partner can rest and focus on the baby.”
- “Plan ahead in terms of budgeting for the baby, such as food, space in the house, and insurance.”
- “Have more patience for handling a newborn and wife after they deliver.”
- “Smile. Your baby is almost here.”
I learned a lot from these incredible dads and their experiences. My main takeaways are these: Good fathers have a desire to provide for and protect their families. Despite the mixed emotions, the many to-do’s of preparing for a baby, and all the could-haves, dads do their best to be there for the family. To all the amazing WCC dads who pour their hearts into their families, thank you!
